I remembered when I was young, there was once, in an effort to make me
do my homework, my aunt refused me to give my dinner. she had tried
everythg, scolding, beating, caning me. nth worked.

but being stubborn and a tad aneroxic, I just ignored e hunger pangs
and stared at e paper.

in the end, she gave up and gave me a bun.

but by then, I was feeling depressed, i thought that there was sth
wrong w me, that they don't love me, that's why they had no qualms
about starving me.

and I thought of all e times Cous and I broke rules and got into
trouble. I recalled how I was always the one being punished. I
remembered once when I was crying, how my grandad thought that I was
my Cous and comforted 'her', saying i was always the naughty 1.

i lost my appetite fo food and went to bed thinking that I should jus
starve to death. no one would miss me. no one would care.

I remembered curling up in a fetal position and crying soundlessly.

I was just 7 or 8 at that time.

sometimes I think that I was brought into this world to bring pain and
suffering to me and mine. I think that I m depressed fo so long that a
miasma of sorrow n hopelessness prolly follows me around.

I joked, at times I laughed, but e min I stepped away fr company, e
jolly facade peeled off, layer by layer till a grim faced gal stepped
into her house, wrapping e darkness, e desolation, e fear, e sadness
around her like a beloved cloak.

my eyes never twinkled.

mistake no. 2: learning poker.
shits.
they'll prolly make me play AGAIN.
sianz..

mistake no. 3: boyboy
need I say more?

mistake no. 4: letting things slide. letting him get away w how things
r now.

such a dumbass...