hope u'v a wonderful birthday, ya?

not his own juices but urs.

how do u continue this path when he looks and feels as if he's
abandoned this road?
and why shd u continue?

questions with no answers...

blood calls to blood..
blood calls for blood..
blood demands blood..
so who's it gonna be?

I TOUCHED a TIGER!!
touched it, stroked it, petted it and grabbed its tail!!
so shhhiiiookk..

but e animals in e pettin zoo was quite poorthg la.
animal cruelty!
their living environment was so BAD.
the place stinks. the dogs stinks.
they tied e bear's hind paws to e bicycle while dey fed it water.
WTF!!
k9 commented tt if it falls, it'll most prolly injure itself.
they leashed e monkey's neck to e tiny barrow it was supposed to push.
(bt admittedly, it was damn funny to watch it u-turning and aiming
straight fo e gates each time dey put it in e arena.)
the tiger performance lost its appeal after u stoked it.
mom said they'd probably drugged it.

must thank bi fo being a lil gal and wanting to go into e zoo.

e massage wasn't great. just 1mark short of failing.
when tt woman grabbed my legs n pulled, her other leg wasn't on my
butt where her feet was supposed to be lor!!
use ur imagination.
I had to keep shifting la.
told her not to touch my face le still put e hot towel on me.
bloody hell.

fengshui master can shop la!
he shopped nonstop.
five of us kept having to wait outside e shops fo him.
haha.
toh wondered bi n me gal or he gal.
toh kept suggesting doing manicure.
make me gian only. ble.

bi n weak can go coffee plc chill n chat lo.
keep talking to each other, making k9 jealous. haha.
book room oso can la.

had so much food!
Tim sum lunch.
e fengshui master ordered like there's no tml and treated all of us.
õª
zhe cha dinner.
again ordered food like there's no tml.

kept teasing k9 about his OCD. heheh.
'i know u wanna wipe ur spoon la.. no meh? don't bluff. nah, give u
tissue la'

i'v not laughed so hard fo so long le.
e fengshui master is really funny.
think he missed his calling.
shoulda been a standup comedian.

but all in all, the trip was fun. mostly because e company was great.

when's the next trip???!!
haha.

I shd leave.
but since m a bloody sadist,
m gonna hang on n c what happens.

I m a liar
irony is tt,
my biggest lies were all directed at mysef
so wrapped in my cocoon of lies
tt i duno which feelings of mines' real anymore

just tt m stil a sucker fo him
unable to jump
too proud to step back
too stupid to cut him up.

sucker

m sry, boy.
I can't visit e past anymore.
tho it might pls u to noe hmboy looks a bit like u.
but u'l nv hear it fr my lips.

freedom extorts a hefty price
n love demands sacrifice.

I'v freedom but so many strings, so many strings.
they're tying me in place as I spin round n round.
invisible strings binding me in place, tighter than before.

I must snip off this bindings before they garrot me.

but

freedom exhorts a hefty price...

u'v never loved me.
not now, not then.
seems like our passion has sizzled n died.
like a dynamite being lit
and put out w feet frantically stomping on e fuse.
takes awhile but it burn out in e end.

love demands sacrifice.

sacrifice that neither of us is willing to make.

had visions of us.
lazy noons.
sleeping in.
grocery shoppin.
cookin.
chats.
fingers combin thru hair.
palm on face.
a tender look, gentle touch.
fingers brushing hair back.
holdin hands.
a peck on forehead.
a hug.

a hug.
that was all I ever needed.
all I got was a flick of ur fingers.

a hug.
of acceptance.
but I was swatted aside like a pesky fly.

I ended up w no love, no sacrifices, no freedom.
just a well of hurts.
e bill fo my foolishness.

the price was too high.
send e bill to my mom instd, will u?