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haiz. now 3 peps'v all told me the same thg. new year resolution.met up w boy fo sup today.
oh my fkin god. I was such a bitch.
I hope u meant it when u said I need not feel guilt.
but I do, I do.
m sorry, man. fo hurting u in e past.
if it's any consolation, I think m suffering e retribution now.
he doesn't love me enough.
I get it. I get it.
but I lack e will power to drag myself outta this ditch.
e funniest thing is that, I don't really blame him.
truth is, m at fault too.
I thot I could just give what I can n things will work out.
but nw I realised it's not enough.
m sorry but i can't give u what u want or need.
I don't have it. so I can't give it.
1. dig myself outta this mess i'v created. partly anyways.
2. I need a friggin job man! who wanna hire me??!
3. not to let my mom worry about me anymore.
4. earn $$$
5. go on a trip
6. learn to love
7. be independent
8. cut down on cigs
9. complete my bag drawing
10. be myself
tainted. lovers' blood.moo ask me ask him to remove his dp again
I din noe how to respond.
makes me think tt I shd be bothered by it.
but when I reached in ans asked myself, I realised m not really
bothered by it.
wonder what it means...
flew high but landed, heaped, in broken parts.
to create, we must 1st destroy. today's the 2nd day of our cold war so who'l break 1st? my blood leaked around my heartus
we are like a derailed train
hurtling towards an unknown darkness
leaving the debris of our dysfunctional relationship in it's wake
do I have e strength to tear out my heart?
at least I think it's a cold war
maybe I meant too lil to even warrant a cold war
mini c doesn't seem to sense that there's anythg wrong w us
who'l spot the 1st crack?
pump pump pump
my blood dripped down his arms
my heart clenched in his fists
as his laughter rang in my ears
I can't pinpoint e exact moment, ay... so, all my four legged frens, r y'all ready for another bout of heavy is this e beginning of e end?
or had it started ere this last clash?
when did e decay start?
even ere I told moo it's going downhill?
it was probably when I first started scribbling in this blog again.
how tight a gal's eyes shut when e walls of r'ship is crumbling around
her ears.
hw stiff her neck fr walkin around, refusing to see tt big fat
elephant in e room till she's waist deep in shit.
best part's she's still nt lookin at e damn elephant, even when she's
stuck in there unable to move.
boozefest?
have u been reading my blogs all this while?
is this what all this distance's about?
what happened to privacy?
but in novels, I can live in another reality m such a weakling no one can despise me more den I do so y do I still wait at the sidelines not when he has left disappearing into his next adventureu know why I read?
because sometime's it's so damn painful to live
in our reality, at least
fast paced, slow moving, so many choices
all with happy enddings
all w loves in e end
walking in fringes of society
cowering behind familiarity
afraid of e unknown
afraid if what might lurk in the dark
but then, no one loves me more
wait for crumbs of affection to be thrown my way?
y do I still crave for the absolution that doesn't come
give affection that won't be returned
and generally try to conform when I know it doesn't make a hell of a
difference?
turned his back
eyes forward, never waver
his outline growing faint
path of least resistance, darlin m learnin now u like feelin powerful, don't u? haiz how m I to resist threading upon e path of least resistance?by jokin about wantin a mistress implies that he is unsatisfied w who
I'm
tt m unworthy
tt m doing sth wrong
path of least resistance...
finally understood what marc meant
like hittin all e buttons
then when m fkin pissed, u act innocent, all of it's a big fkin joke
then u turn e table ard by goin mia
knowin I'v got itchy butt, can't leave thgs sour, n a love affair w
smses
m physically a sadist
not sure about emo
will physical pain toughen my teacherous heart?
