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TAG = {all this time}
I never said id lie and wait forever
If I did we'd be together
I cant always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...
Get the feeling that youll never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Should I
And all the moons that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall [down]
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Should I
And all the moons that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
was reading my super old entries
and realised that i write so much better then.
was it because of the lack of will to produce 'good work'?
or just that my life is too boring now?
was reading my super old entries
and found myself wishing to be,
of all things,
a bimbo!
ha.
their life seem so much happier,
them being so much dumber.
anyways,
while reading my super old entries,
i was shocked by the intensity of sorrow
over the break up with him.
how come i cant feel the same intensity of sorrow
in my words now?
maybe that lady's heart's heart of steel,
maybe she forgot how to feel.
perhaps in her heart's of hearts she did,
but she could never to herself admit.
Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you
Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
death.the end neared
but it didnt come peacefully,
it approached with a grasp for breath,
it attacked and left mi fighting for air,
it made mi groan and grunt with whatever i managed to get into my lungs,
it was accompanied by fear,
fear that chews at my insides relentlessly.
the minutes stretched...
time seemed to have stopped,
long forgotten memories came rushing back,
the scenes playing like videos in my eyes,
the dramas unfolding in rapid succession,
as the mind struggled to cope with these overwhelming information
it've tried so hard to block out,
the heart strained to continue pumping,
indecisions racked,
should i struggle for a minute more, just a minute more?
or should i just give up?
in the end,
mere mortals havent much say in life and death,
the breathing shallowed,
the heart relaxed.
death.
the f*cking black hole that sucks life.
busy busy week...
(>.<)
been club 21's bangala from mon til today.
did their xmas tree.
itz insane but i enjoyed it,
not the work but the people i met are all very nice.
but all OLD...
haha.
now i can pull people to cine, forum, paragon and club21
to point and announce,
thatz my tree!
hehz.
bryan asked mi if i was interested in vming.
if so, he can intro mi to ck tang.
but i doubt i'll since i have no skills or whatsoever that's needed.
john asked why didnt i continue studying vm and be one.
joe said my trees are very pretty.
makes mi so tempted to meet the devil twice.
aiii...
but i was thinking of being a vet.
watcha think about it?
courtesy of da da
whose com im using now,
who whisked off yingz notebook
and was never seen again since.
been searching through his archive for something nice to use,
since mooz saw itz damn hard to read with the old background.
kinda miss yingz notebook
with all my pix and songs
Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am waiting for disaster
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)
I drink my drink and I don't even want to
I think my thoughts when I don't even need to
I never look back cause I don't even want to
And I don't need to
Because I'm getting away with murder
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
With murder
Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am craving this disaster
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
by papa roach
do not know if the hurt stem from
the pain of losing u,
or the pain from watching u suffer.
do not understand why should it hurt so bad?
why didnt u tell mi that
ur never coming home?
never coming home no more?
so i lied when i put on a smiley face,
so i lied when i told the whole world i dont miss ur space.
so i lied when i pretend to be optimistic about the future,
so i lied when i laugh and joked as per normal.
ur memories haunt,
they took mi back to ur pain,
took mi back to ur fears,
but strangely,
never far enough to not see ur tears.
in the deep of the night,
when insomia hits,
as i sat in the room he once slept in,
as i walked through the kitchen where
he had the habit of opening and shutting the fridge continuously,
as i smked near the bathroom he spent hours cooped up in,
i thought i would break.
why didnt u tell mi that
ur never coming home?
never coming home no more?
the ghost lingers on in the house he died.
he cant touch,
only see and feel as a bystander.
he floats around without intend,
bums around till heaven sends.
until then, he suffers the sights before him,
suffers the frustrations of being useless,
being unable to wipe the tears from her face.
chained to the home he loved,
chained to the ones he loved,
chained to this earth
till heaven sends.
When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non believers, the plans that they have made?"
Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."
When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"
Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
When you're gone we want you all to know.
We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.
A woman sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end
We hear the call
To carry on
We'll carry on
Though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
On and on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces of your peers
Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all
Do or die
You'll never make me
Because the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
You want it all, you wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer, for all the broken
Listen here, because it's only you
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I'm just a boy, who's meant to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I -- don't -- care
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
Though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
You'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
We'll carry
We'll carry on
(Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
You want it all, you wanna play this part)
[x2]
One of my aunt is demanding payment of dads debt, totally to 13.5k, being sympathetic of our situation, shes not going to take back the money dad had taken from her when he ran out of money for food.
So she said.
These are all HER words.
How do I know it is not a scam to cheat our money? How do I know dad really did owe her 13.5k as she had said? My dad is dead.
Dead.
Hes dead.
He had not mention anything about owing her almost 14k, not when he was well and moving about, nor when he was sick and lying in bed. So how do I know she's not lying?
And she dare claim to be my fathers sister? Acting all saint when the rest of the relatives were around, asking me if I want to go back to studies, said that if so, someone is willing to get the relatives to pool together some money, if not, we can use the money for our livelihood.
Poof. All c*ck.
I admit, the money sounded tempting. But I know that everything in life has got strings attached. So I decline vehemently, citing lack of interest to get them off my back. Anyway, this same aunt waited barely 2weeks after my fathers death to hound us for his alleged debts to her. This same aunt who is quite well off.
This same aunt who striked 4D the past week.
Twice.
The 2nd and 3rd prize.
And she hinted that my father also owe others money, claimed not to know the sum.
G*dd*mnit.
All I see is that she is the only one who is coming to us demanding payment, I dont see anyone else doing that. I really dont understand it.
As fatbear remarked,
“Where is her compassion?”
Where is her bl**dy heart?
Even the loan sharks will let off when the borrower is deceased. Shes worse than them. Goodness.
Marc told me not to pay. He explained, my dad is dead, we cant trust just her side of the story, if she insist, tell her straight in the face to ‘fa ting shang jian’(meet in court), since she has no evidence to prove that my dad owe her that money. That’s what he will do if in my shoes. It makes sense.
But my lovely fool of a mother is willing to compromise and wants to return them part of the money using the bai jing. But the b*tch refused to take bai jing, say can slowly pay, or wait till cpf approve, or Sell the house.
Bl**dy f*cking g*dd*mnit. That c*cks*ckin, d*ckl*vin b*tch.
Sighz.
Human nature is so ugly.
i baked cupcakes yesterday and passed some to the fat bear.
i had wanted to meet him the day before but mom wouldn't let mi out.
he told mi to sneak out,
but i said no
if that was what i intended,
i wouldnt have bothered waking mom up to tell her that i want to go out.
thats the problem.
i had wanted to tell her, not ask her.
sighz.
i know, i know.
i should spend time with mom,
i should listen to her,
i should take care of her.
but i need a bit of my own space too.
i really cannot stand being around her twenty four seven.
we quarrel.
we fight.
itz fkin draining.
kris says my problem is that i put a limit.
but i feel that everything does have a limit,
even life,
u reach itz quota and u die.
cold but true.
maybe all this keeping all my sadness bottled up has taken itz toil on mi.
i'v become hard.
i keep telling myself
there's no choice,
itz do or die,
to put on a brave front,
i threw away my heart.
anyways, fat bear,
if ur reading this,
please finish the cupcakes,
i burnt my hair baking them.
(- -")
i know,
i should have just bought the cakes instead.
but i had fun baking them.
(>.<)
i wish i could be as happy everyday.
maybe if i choose to be happy,
i will be.
i miss u daddy.
never thought i'd say this.
death seemed so far off even when things were wrong.
maybe we were kidding ourselves from start till now.
when will i stop waiting at the door,
awaiting your return?
