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in memory of my dearest daddy
who had passed on
on
22nd October 2006
who was loved by so many
"my father was a funnyman,
a joker till the last.
no doubt he had leave us all,
he had but closed a chapter in his life
and embarked on a fresh new page.
may he rest in peace."
that was the speech i meant to read
which i cracked my brains
and split it open for.
but i never made it that far.
im sorry i was weak
but i shall work hard,
strive hard
to be strong.
it was hard,
so very trying.
brutal in so many aspects
multiply the hurt u thought i felt by a thousand times
and a thousand more for the fact i cant,
i mustnt cry
and ya guess would not be too far off
but it probably still fall short
my daddy was my hero,
maybe depleting till zero towards the end,
he had many vices
but in the end,
all shall be forgotten except his jokes,
his kindness he bestowed freely,
his generosity to his loves.
my daddy was my hero
that is how i want to remember him.
thanks for all those who were so concerned
thanks for being there when i needed comfort
may he rest in peace
i hate my life
i hate not knowing who to call
i'd scroll down my phonebook
trying to find someone to talk to
but i'd stop
coz there aint no one i can bother anymore
i hate not having anyone to call
i hate feeling so damn alone
i hate havin a temperamental mom who flares up at the strangest reasons
i hate havin a dying dad who has been reduced to a child
who mixes reality with dreams
who is so weak he doesnt even talk much anymore
and when he does, it doesnt make any sense most of the time
who has no strength to even sit up
who has dificulty just drinking water
who is so thin now it hurts to look at him
i hate seeing him like this
for i love him
i hate being so freaking weak
why cant i be the brick?
why do the tears flood my eyesight so often these days?
i want to be strong
i hate being lost
not knowing what to do
unsure if what im doing is right
hesitating every step of the way
i hate god
maybe there's no god
just the devil
i hate to feel so upset after looking at my dad
signs of weakness are not allowed at this point of time
i hate looking after my dad
for i feel i keep doing everything wrong
mom and i have management problems
keep having little arguments about how things should be done
i love my dad
i love my mom
i love my bro
i love my crz
i love my cow
i love my dog
i love my dum
i love my bear
i love my cat
i love u
maybe u'v already given up
itz alrite
i' be fine
i always do in the end
thanks for having always being there
dont worry
my friends will be there
(fingers crossed)
i know at least crz will
because shez stuck with mi
for life
i'l still be here if u need mi
though i doubt it very much
i'l always be here
love u
go with the wind....
a sip of the poisoned wine
and she was hooked
addicted
drunk
nothing more than a trophy of his
she understood perfectly
her dreams grew more and more absurd
as her life fell in upon itself
but she held on ot what little comfort offered
and made up somemore as she moved along
she tranversed between reality and dreams
and lost herself somewhere along the road
but it doesnt matter does it?
so long as she gets through her days
so long she can continue this fake happiness
so long she can continue the pretense
maybe if she deceive hard enough
she can finally believe it
maybe if she pretend hard enough
she will finally be happy
she, oh, she
who used to whirl around in colours
she, oh, she
who used to dance around so many others
now holed up in hell
burning, cursing, spitting blood
the colours merged together as one
red
the colour of the flames eating her up
oh, the pain, the pain
every glance at him dragged shreds of glass up her skin
oh, the pain, the pain,
every touch burned a hole in her heart
she couldnt bear the sight
she hated his plight
oh, the hurt, the hurt
the shame, the shame
the flames licked her face and dried her tears like an old friend
oh, the hurt, the hurt
the shame, the shame
she hid from the world her disfigurement
a shot rang through the silent night
a hole burned in her heart
a singed set of clothes lay in a bundle
where her corpse should be as she fall
nothing left.
just her memories singing with the winds
