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TAG = {all this time}
paint my heart a cheerful pink
and drain my blood dry.
turn mi around
and dance awhile.
whirthing bodies,
sleek with sweat from sleep,
awaken lust,
abandoned distrust.
familarity strengthened with the coming of dawn,
secret places, secret whispers, secret secrets.
uncontained joy.
smug togertherness.
happiness.
He called mi yesterday, said he wanted to meet mi. we talked about mundane stuff. Truth was, I wanted to meet him too. I missed him. more than I realised.
I wonder why is it that we seemed to be moving around in circles.
No matter what we do, who we meet, somehow, some unseen, unexplainable force still draws us to each other. A little crook of his finger and snap, I go running, flying back to him.
Homecoming.
And it seems the same with him, unable to resist my calls.
Yesterday was the first time he ditched his friends for mi after I don’t know how long. I was secretly smiling. Oh man~ I was such a sucker.
And he was such a fool. A drunk fool. He was drunk when he finally knocked off. That bear was drinking while working. Great job. Managed to get us to his place after much stops to smoke, eat drink and him to throw up.
We crashed straight after that.
Sometime in the night, his phone rang, and rang, and rang, before he finally picked it up. I heard him talking to a girl, telling her that her he was not with her friend, and then I must have fallen back to sleep, because I dreamt that the girl on the line insisted on coming to his place, and that she came with an old lady, then, they were all talking nonsense and he was telling her to go, to shut up and go, and then I realised that I was unclad and that she was still screaming…
It was so real.
When I woke up, I found myself looking around for the girl and her old woman and check that I was not in my birthday suit.
Ha.
But, of course, we won’t be resuming our ‘couple’ life.
We had run our course, now the most we can be—to each other—is only friends, someone who will be there when the other’s feeling real lonely and in need of company, someone to cuddle up to when there is no one else.
That’s all that’s left.
But like blinded fishes, we grabbed what we could and ended up hooked for life, in this dangling mess where the boundaries not drawn up clear enough, unable to decipher our tangled relationship, in fact, loving it more for its complexity.
I was so happy when I was with him. I really had no idea why. I mean, he was drunk and sprouting rubbish but to mi, he sounded really cute and funny. We were joking like old buds. When we slept, it’s so natural, like we do this everyday, sleeping side by side, my head in the notch of his shoulder, his arm slung over my waist so casually.
Run away with my pain...
