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TAG = {all this time}
i dont know what's happening to me. i'v never been a religious person, though i'v always been intrigued by the bible. mmm, maybe not really the bible, but the thought that there might really be a higher being scrutinising our every moves.
or maybe i was intrigued by the da vinci code. btw, i prefer the book to the movie. hee. anyway, it got me wondering if the whole chunk of information is real. it's so unbelieveable yet so hard to refute at the same time.
suddenly wished that i could go with my cousin to his "facts from fiction" church sessions in response to the da vinci code. ha. it might prove to be interesting. of course, they will be doing their darnest to prove the movie a fiction.
and somehow, the more u uncover about something, the less knowledge u'l feel u have about that something. the thirst is hard to quench.
i feel quite mad, quite insane, now. i mean, i have no cause to be wasting precious sleep over a stupid question like "is there a god?". sighz. maybe, after this da vinci craze blows over, i can go back to believing in myself in peace.
little baby...
so young and small,
so cute and cuddly,
so loved by all...
maybe itz time i shed my spoilt little baby gal act. sighz. it was fun while it lasted. really. but itz time for the spoilt little baby princess to grow up and face the big bad world. much as i dont want to, i really should. i realised i haven a hint on how to take care of others, seriously none at all.
had a chat with bro dearest. had a chat with mooz. she insist itz nice to be treated thus. i agree with her but nice is not enough. humans are greedy, i want more in life. i want the satisfaction of havin helped others, i want that joy. i want to be able to give instead of being the one always getting.actually i must thank jing for enlightening mi. itz because of that sat mos night that got mi thinking. i was very reluctant to help her. reluctant to get kor to pay part of her cover course he'd already paid for mi and jes, reluctant to help pay for her as i haven a cent on mi, it's all in my bag at the baggage counter. reluctant to pei her find her shaun. reluctant to send her bag over to her place after we'd finally found it as i haven enough monies to cover the trips to her place, jes place and then to mine.
all in all, i felt used. if itz mi in the past, i probably wouldnt mind. but i'v grown too pampered. grown selfish. i guess i felt like, why should i go through so much trouble for u when i feel that u wont go through all that for mi? i mean, i probably wont ever ask u to do all that for mi. i felt like i was ditched for him.
but then, kor will do all the above for mi and more, without expecting mi to return favours. and i think, if itz someone else asking mi to do that, like kor or marc, i might have done it. maybe itz just the distance. i prolly wouldnt haf wanted to send the bag to crz too coz she live so far away. so im stumped. im contradicting myself very successfully.
should i only be nice to people whom i think will go the extra mile for mi or should i be nice indiscriminatively?
and, im confused. i dont feel a thing when someone's nice to mi but when that someone starts going missing on mi, i panick and cling to that person. why am i thus? i hate myself. i absolutely understands marc's ' the harder it is to get, the more i want it'. damn. why do people only start cherishing when they'v lost it? why only lock the barn when the horses are gone? itz too late.
little baby...
so useless,
so protected.
so mi...
